Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Amazing grace

It's amazing the clarity I have received from the Lord through my recent times of prayer.  It's amazing the healing I have received through praying for those that have hurt me beyond what I thought I could bear.  It's amazing the forgiveness that fills my heart and drowns out the deceitful whispers of this world.  There is so much hope stirring within me and it is not the hope that I had been searching for.

What a wonderful God we have who casts out fear!   I can know the peace that surpasses all comprehension.  It is real and I have felt it.

Friday, April 22, 2011

The things I want to remember

Dear Natty,

You're three and a half years old. In your short life you've experienced so much and you've come through it making everyone around you happier. I hope you are happy too.

There will be times in your life when you will need to look back through your memories to find a moment that made your heart melt or your spirits soar. You've given me those moments and I have gone back to those moments frequently to remind me how blessed I am that God has entrusted me with you.

I think about how I would caress your ample cheek in my hand. You would close your eyes, seemingly drinking up the warmth, and put your own hand behind mine, pressing it further into your cheek. You stay that way, eyes closed, hand on my hand, saying nothing, and time stops. There is nothing but warmth and love.

Then there was the time I was reading to you and as you often do, you were interrupting me throughout, asking questions. This time though, you rapped my head with your fist and said, "Knock knock, excuse me," to get my attention and I just started laughing. It was the kind of laugh that wells up from deep inside and can't be stifled, and soon after, we're both just laughing uncontrollably. We look at each other laughing and we laugh even more. It was magical. I can't help but smile every time I think about it.

These are the things I want to remember.


Monday, March 28, 2011

Heal thyself

Dear Natty,

Nowadays you are getting up in the middle of the night and coming into my room wanting to sleep in my bed. Most of the time I tell you that you need to sleep in your own bed but you make excuses like, "But I don't like my bed," or "I need to go pee-pee" but you really don't need to go. You ask me if it is safe in your room and I always reassure you that it is. I tell you that I'm right outside if you need me. But I also tell you that you need to sleep in your own room, in your own bed. It's not that I don't care about you or that I don't want to be with you. I love you and I want to be with you as much as I can. I don't even think it's necessarily a bad thing if you sleep in the same bed as your parents, which is why I sometimes let you.

Letting you sleep with me is the easy thing to do. I lift you onto the bed, make sure you're comfortable, and then I can drift back to sleep. The hard part is getting you back to your own bed as you make up excuses for your anxiety. But I know that putting the extra effort in making you sleep in your own bed can go a long way in showing you that your bed is fine, your room is safe, and there is nothing you need to fear, not even the dark.

In a similar way, my Father in heaven is teaching me that same lesson. I approached God this morning and I begged for Him to let me be with Him. You see, I do not like this world and I do not feel safe in this world. The same people are ripping open wounds that were healing and complete strangers are threatening to make new wounds. I'm anxious. I'm stressed. I'm scared. So I ran to my Father and I asked Him to take me. His answer was to remind me of you and of your sleepless nights. He assured me that I am safe and that there really is nothing to fear, even in the darkness of this world. He wants me to be reassured that He is with me, no matter where I am, and no matter what situation I'm in. But I have to hang on and I have to have faith. Just like you, I'm learning.


Thursday, February 3, 2011

Sorry Natty!

Dear Natty,

I'm sorry for not posting in so long. I wanted this blog to be something that you could look back on when you're much much older and hopefully it would be a special blessing to you. I know that I would have loved something like this if it existed back in my childhood and my parents were the sentimental type.

I think what brought me back to this blog is the feeling that I have so much that I want to say to you and so much that I want you to understand... but the circumstances are not right and you don't need to know right now. After all, you're just 3 years old. But you're growing up quickly, and it looks like you'll need to grow up faster than I want you to. I'm sorry for that too.

In the 2 years since I last posted, a lot of things have happened. You have been to a lot of parties, most hosted by our friends, the Ongs and Kimotos. You went to your first UCLA football and basketball games. You saw your first Dodger game. You went to Korea and saw your Korean Grandma for the first time. You went to Washington and saw your Korean aunties. You traveled to Vancouver, Orlando (DisneyWorld!), and Las Vegas. You've spent lots of time at the beach and the park. You have been to Disneyland, oh, about a zillion times it seems (and you still love it).

You have developed a love for Disney princesses, Curious George, SuperWHY, dancing, singing, arts and crafts, McDonalds, and doggies and kitties. You have gotten over your fascination with Blues Clues and various Disney movies. You survived a car accident that totaled our Toyota Highlander. You started ballet lessons and nursery school.

We've had a lot of fun. But you won't remember any of this.

I wish you could. It saddens me that the one thing I wish you could remember, the one thing you should have experienced all your life, the one thing you should have in your life right now as you read this, is the one thing you had and lost, out of no fault of your own. I'm sorry, Natty.


Thursday, July 29, 2010

Saturday, August 8, 2009

One year later

Blogging is tiring.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Trip to San Diego

We took Natty to the San Diego Zoo. Natty can't hold back her excitement.

In case you are confused, the real elephants are in the background.

Surprisingly enormous hippo butts.

Surprisingly dirty panda butt.

A panda tree bearing panda fruit.

Our new Ergo baby carrier gets a workout.

The most popular chrome polar bear in the world. About 20 people cut in front of us to take a picture just like this one.

Humprey's Half Moon Inn & Suites. Highly recommended.

On the balcony overlooking the marina.

Eating brunch at the Hash House A Go Go with Rhon and Esther. We miss you guys!

Sunny's biscuits and gravy. My hand is there for scale.